it's funny how

a christian perspective can change everything

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation ; the old has gone, the new has come" 2 Corintians 5:17

there's a verse our fellowship has memorized, the first one to be exact.
but it's so true. it's like, when you have Christ in you, you really are just completely different. i've recently really really realized this, and i believe it is quite mindboggling. "mindboggling" ; what a cool word :) it is truly amazing the way God works in each and every one of our lives. i feel like this past year, i've been experiencing Him in more ways than i've every really noticed in my past. in times of stress and utter misery, i cry out to Him and i know He's there. i often feel so alone ; like nobody's really there for me, and that i have no one that i can just..go to & talk to about absolutely anything and everything. every single time, the Holy Spirit moves within me & reminds me that He's there. He's there for me to talk to, to vent to, to laugh with, He's my best friend, and no matter how horribly i might treat Him, no matter just how many times i can forget about Him, He's always been and always will be there for me. i just don't understand what it is about me that He could ever love. but i've grown to just accept that He loves me ; He loves me for who i am, what He's made me. He doesn't need for me to be perfect, becuhs well, that's just impossible. paul says in 1 timothy 1:15, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." i've read this verse time and time again, but it's never really occurred to me that it can apply to my life somehow. now that i think about it, it's really easy for me to say that i'm the worst sinner there is. compare who i am now to the girl i always was before, back in elementary school, even middle school. i've changed a lot, and i'd say it's for the worse. everything i do now is probably at least a bit more secular than the things i'd do when i was younger. i used to hate lying. i used to believe i'd never ever cuss in my entire life. i used to hate backstabbers and hypocrites. i used to let my mom pick out my clothes and not care that i looked good when i walked out of the house. i used to always, well usually, listen to my parents ; do what they told me to do, and not do what they told me not to do. "so take a look at me now, there's just an empty space, there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face." no just kidding. but take a look at me now. if you've grown up with me, you'll see the difference. if you're a christian yourself, you'll see the difference. how many times have i lied to my parents about who i'm going out with ? countless times. count how many times you see a cuss word in my blog. if i gave you a nickel for every bad word you saw, i'd probably be way more broke than i already am now. i admit, i do talk behind people's backs. i say one thing, and i do another. i never take my own advice. i spend half the time looking in the mirror, worrying about how "ugly" i am. i ignore my parents a lot now, or just don't obey what they tell me to do. sometimes i feel like i've lost my respect for them. but i know it's still there. "honor your father and your mother" the first commandment with a promise, in exodus 20:12. i know that verse still matters to me, i just don't always show it, and i often forget it myself.

if you read my short blog on friday, you can see that i was hating myself. i felt like there are so many things about me that people could hate. and i felt like there are so many things about me that people do hate. but funny thing, God takes dabbie to church with me on saturday, and coincidentally, alex is sick so we don't have our memory verse talk. instead we split into our groups and talk about 2 corinthians 5:17. we talk about how God made us in His own image, and if we think lowly of ourselves, then we're thinking lowly of Him and what He's given us. it's like if i think i'm ugly or fat, i'm criticizing God's work. but it's crazy how He reminded me of this the day after i blogged about hating myself, yaknow ? He is truly, truly amazing and i find it extremely, completely mindboggling. LOL.

God's love for me is uhm..uncomprehendable ? LOL idk what word to use. no matter how many times i fall, He's there to catch me and to bring me back to where He knows i need to be. this past year, i've been going kinda back and forth. i'll fall behind, and He'll bring me back. then i'll fall behind, and once again He'll bring me back. and it just keeps going and going. i can't wait til the day i can barely fall behind, but right now, at least i'm working on it right :) before this roller coaster of a relationship with Him, it was like..idk, a train ? LOL i wasn't feeling anything, and it was just going straight. stuck on the ground, never going up. so i've gone from a train to a roller coaster. hopefully one day i'll be on a never-landing plane :) i'll take off and then i'll just stay up there LOL hmm, well it's good to be kinda back. kinda back to where i belong, under His control somewhat. and hopefully one day i don't have to add on the "somewhat" haha. but i've been trying to cuss less. and idk about the lying or the hypocrisy or whatever, but i've been trying to respect my parents more, and to not talk about people behind their backs.. as much. hahah, hey i'm working on it.

so like yeah. i'm feeling pretty good at the moment i guess. although it's late and i still have lots of homework to do, boy problems, and a cake to frost LOL

peace outt
lydmonster :)