UGH FML

i hate how asb & church activities clash so much. i wish all asb stuff could be like, monday through thursday. how much better my life would be..no more freaking having to leave asb bondings early just because i hate skipping church. OMG i hate my life.


anyways, i don't feel like blogging about my life anymore. i mean, stuff's happening, quite a lot of stuff. i just don't see the point anymore -_- and it wastes so much of my time..i have better things to do ! maybe i should just stop blogging..i mean. everyone else has pretty much stopped -_-

i may seem depressed

but i just really feel like i'm not happy right now.
i'm not happy with my life ; the way i am ; the way i feel ; the way i do.
i'm tired of livin' life for like, absolutely nothing.
i feel like not only i'm not getting anywhere, but that i'm getting nowhere.
i've been like this for a while, and this is doing me no good.
i'm sick of wishing something would just come along and pick me up off my feet.
this is the busiest summer of my life, and it's all just pure fun or asb or basketball.
but everything's beginning to really piss me off nd i'm just really tired of it all.
i'm sick of the way i've become, the things i say, the things i do ; the things people say to me or act around me.
it's just like, omg i wanna get outta this place.
i've been happy for a while now, i don't wanna be depressed again -_-
i wanna go back to the old me, when i was really just carefree & happy.
i miss that about me.
i miss being closer to God, not wasting every second of my life, and not cussing.
i miss being able to say i have virgin lips -_-
& i miss not lying to my parents.
i'm sick & tired of the way i'm livin' my life, and the way my life is.
i want a change, & i'm gonna start with the [wo]man in the mirror. hehe


peace out girl scout
- lyd <3

gravity

by sara bareilles is a beautiful song :)

today was basketball bonding ! so fun :) i was in the pool from like 1:30 to like, 6 or 7, idk. i got scratched a buncha times everywhere..bug bites, omg. we went to the park & jerked LMAO. i went on the swings with irene :) hehehe swings are superfun. anywho, i love my spongebob ring LMAO thanks justine ;D we got back from the park & just sat outside marcela's house talking nd stuff. mallorie's little brother is so cute. it's funny how their parents came at like 8, and they left at like 9 cuhs they were talking to marcela's mom. anyways, i should shower now. hopefully i can go to the game tomorrow. goodluck "varsity" :)

peace outt
- lyd <3

aye it's too early

i slept at 2, and i woke up at like 8. i don't even have to be up omg -_-

anyways, workdays have been fun, we finished our class poster ! YES >:]

so i had a game yesterday. the last game of the summer..i'm gonna be so outta shape -_- well we won :) irene got hurt again -_- haha she just had to, didn't she ? well we won 31-18, i think. our last game, we played it well. AHH no more basketball :[

nd yesterday we had a class officer bonding at rima's house. super fun :) her family is so nice ! we took some cute pictures hehe :) & we watched fired up, it was so funny :) SHAWN IS FREAKING CUTE OMG <3 too bad he fell for carly..HAHAHAHHAHA ! well, we had some costco pizza, talked for a long time, and i took a shower. hahahaha, cuhs it was after my game -_- we were supposed to make shirts but we talked for too long & i'm gonna go get new shirts haha. TSHIRT FACTORY BABYYY >:] it got really hot while we were watching the movie. so after it was over, we all headed to the backyard where it was cooler. but rima's dad was sleeping so we went back inside..to head to the front yard HAHA :) it was nice out there. beautiful stars, you could see the constellations ! we had a lot of tang at rima's house hahhaha i had some milk too. seriously lying on the grass looking at the stars is just wonderful :)

mmmmm rima made a big cookie :)

hey, we're cute.

yeah that's right. we're asian ! most of us..

i'm gonna punch you in the face !



okay i'm gonna go back to sleep now.
TOODLES

peace out
- lyd <3

ahh

my vision is deteriorating -_-

so our poster is coming along really well, and we're getting through it a lot faster than i expected. probably cuhs i have no experience. hahaha well i've been having fun running out of pencils and stuff -_- almost done ! & class officer bonding on thursday after my last game. how exciting :]

hm. basketball's been good. pool bonding friday ! yaay ! :D i made my first two shots last tuesday, if i haven't already mentioned that. but i made two shots today too :] i'm on a roll ! hahahaha just kidding idk. but it is quite exciting. this thursday is the last of my exercise in a looong time, i'm asuming..
girls varsity basketball championship game tomorrow at wilson at 5:30 ? GO SUPPORT they've been doing so well this summer :]

i have a date with mallorie next tuesday ! victoria's coming too haha. YAAY :D
& before that, lunch with JKL+C. can't wait to see kevinlim again ! i miss him so muuucho !

i was supposed to go to the beach this saturday. but it's not happening -_- that's like the third time this summer that i was supposed to go to the beach but couldn't go. ayeeeeee, SUCKS.

i saw mariel today :) first time since like, the last day of school ! wow, so much for being her bestfriend -_- haha justkidding. hopefully dabbie got her present. but i wouldn't know, cuhs dabbie's not picking up her phone -_-
i still needa work on her present, and jen's present, and annie's present. SO MUCH TO DO AAHHHH

oh yeah. i got a haircut today :o

that's all i can think of for now :)
btw, good job today ladies. 30-18 against charter oak. WE GOTTA KEEP IT UP FOR THURSDAY ! last game :[ st. lucy !

peace out, don't pout
LMAO
- lyd <3

gladiator

that movie made alex cry. HAHAHAHA wow

anywho. so there's this guy. we call him gladiator. being around him just makes me feel kinda like YEEEEEEEEE :) he's not the kinda guy you'd see nd think, whoa he's cute or anything like that. but he's not ugly hahaha. he's the kinda guy whose looks kinda grow on you. it's been, i think, over five years now, since the first time i started liking him. my feelings have been on & off. i just hate how he used to like her, nd idk if he still does. i hate the fact that it's not me, & on top of that, it's someone i know, and someone that i've been getting close to over the last year. even since i found out, i feel like i see her differently now. but don't get me wrong, i still love her nd all. i just..i guess you could say i'm just jealous. she's super pretty, super skinny, she's from another state, and the guy i like likes/liked her. even her brother's kinda cute. ayeee, idk. he fulfills so much more on my list than any other guy has, except maybe jason lee. but who am i kidding, that was in second grade -_- i've liked gladiator since i was in fifth grade. but it's usually on then offoffoff then on then offoffoff so idk. i'd like someone during the year, then i'd like him over the summer -_- cuhs that's when he'd show up at church..but this past year, and i think the one before that, he's been coming during the year. i got over him august of 2007, and it didn't start up again til june 2009. i think -_- well, for a lot of that time, i was either with kevin or getting over kevin. so idk. i never even realized until right now that it's been nearly two years since i last liked him. i feel like my feelings for kevin were the only reason i didn't start liking gladiator again. our fellowship is like a family, and we spend a lot of time together. i'm surprised it took so much time for me to fall for him again. but obviously, it happened. aye, i wonder if he can tell.

i dropped abby today D: i was sitting on the ground [carpet] eating a popsicle & it looked like she wanted some. but obviously, since she's five months old, she couldn't have any. she started trying to roll on the ground or something. that's what it looked like to me. i was trying to pick her up so i could put her on the ground, cuhs she was kinda still half in my lap. then she fell face forward and THUMP ! she hit the ground. i was like :o and she started crying, i was so scared. lucky for me, her mom was right there -_- but before today, she liked me ! especially yesterday, i was holding her for the longest time. she only started crying when she got tired, she even fell asleep in my arms :) then her mom came haha. bex seems confident that abby's not gonna hate me. she says abby's not gonna remember, but i guess all i can do is hope so. what's done is done, but if abby hates me i'm gonna cry. i love her so much, angela already stole bethany :(

aiyaahh

peace outt
- lyd <3

"do you remember when

we first met i sure do"
do you remember - jack johnson

do you remember
"there's still one thing we have to do. we have to watch a walk to remember"

do you
still consider me important in your life ?

do
what you wanna do, but some of it is really beginning to bother me.
- - - - - - - - - - -
today is july 14th, 2009. edward ng's birthday, julliene's birthday. the day after victoria's birthday :) today was our game against walnut. today was the first time my team beat walnut. today was the first time i made a shot -_- :D our ending score was 37-33. i made four points. so if i hadn't made those two shots then we woulda gone in overtime. haha justkidding idk :) but hearing all those cheers was just am absolutely amazing feeling. mallorie is quite the baller.
girls basketball bonding ! can't wait.

i need to start reading scarlet letter.











i wish summer wouldn't end :[
just..get cooler, that's all.

i can't wait

til i have a supergood day again.

there's always something that pisses me off nowadays. i've just had the worst week ever. idk how many times i've been in a bad mood this week. maybe i'm just pmsing, idk.

well at least today i had a good day ! victoria's party was fun, even though i wasn't really there for long. the jumper was fuun :) then church debrief meeting, longer than i expected. dinner, ate too much -_- didn't get to go to redmango's grand opening -_- & right now i'm just superconfused on a lot of stuff.

class officer bonding ? idk when. celebrating dabbie's birthday is becoming extremely complicated. when are we going to the beach with the alhambrians ? hehe. i'm sick & tired of leaving parties early, & my brother wants me to leave the asb bonding early. when am i hanging with joan ? am i going to magic mountain ? when are we hanging with joy ?! how often am i gonna see kevinlim after summerschool is over ? i wish i didn't have so many plans.

so basically

i've just wasted a crapload of my time. it never freaking happens.
but whatever i guess..i always do that some way or another -_-

my first workday today. pretty fun :) i rolled around in paper, and was surprised that i enjoyed it.. LMAO
strawberries n creme frap !

- exciteeeeeeed for victoria's party tomorrow
- determined to win the rest of our games
- excited to hang with the class officers
- excited for asb bonding
- excited for lock-in
- excited to watch hp6 with joan
- excited to celebrate dab & jas & fil 's birthdays
- excited to hang with jkl+c
- excited for summer school to end

the events of july.
jam-packed schedule.

i never knew

how scared of spiders i really am..

i found one on me today. i was hosing down the steps or whatever in front of my house. i looked down, and there was a spider on my leg. as i sprayed it with the hose, i screamed so loud the whole block probably heard me. my family got mad at me, but all i could do was yell with tears streaming down my face. they wondered why i was crying and told me to go inside. my mom told me i need to overcome this fear of spiders. i'm thinking, how the heck am i supposed to do that ? they freaking freak me out. i've always been arachnophobic or whatever, but i've never had one on me before. i told my mom i was gonna go take a shower. i was traumatized for like an hour or so. while in the shower, i still couldn't stop crying. along with the water, tears unendingly continued to stream down my face. i kept feeling like there were spiders all over me. coming out of the showerhead and in my hair, crawling out of the drain and up my legs, coming in on the walls, everything, everywhere. i wanted to get out, but i knew i couldn't, or at least i shouldn't. like my mom said, i needed to overcome this fear. i repeatedly said to myself "there's no spiders, there's no spiders" [yeah i know it's gramatically incorrect -_-] with an occasional add-in like, "there's no spiders, i don't see any spiders, there's no spiders". i was breathing heavily, hyperventilating. i felt light-headed, like i was about to faint. i was so scared, you don't even know. i don't even know how many times i had to say to myself, "there's no spiders", probably thousands and thousands of times. who knew i was like this ? i didn't even know. when i got out of the shower, my eyes were still red and puffy. i came into my room, and i was still saying "there's no spiders". i didn't wanna go downstairs cuhs the doors are downstairs, the doors that lead to the outside. i can still feel it on me, and i don't want to go outside ever again. but what am i supposed to do ? i have to, i can't stay here forever because of one little spider..

- lyd. <3

the weekend of my life

haha just kidding. but it was the best in a while :)

friday morning, i helped this couple take away my brother's old bed, the one that was in my room. for this reason, i was late to the mall ! omg. got there at like 11:20ish ? idk, don't remember. met up with bestfriend & my date. met mr. supertall from wilson, finally :) so sarah didn't go. she was supposed to be chris's blind date haha. mm viv & kanow didn't go either, neither did leo. so jason was left all alone on his birthday :[ so he hung with us haha. went into the movies, watched transformers. chris yelled "YEAH" really loud & put his hands in the air or whatever when megan fox came out. gotta admit, she is pretty hot LMAO. pretty good movie. mm found ice age pretty easily. pretty funny :) i like buck or however you spell his name. danny and jason weren't interested so they went to the side to sleep. danny wasn't supposed to ditch me for jason...hahaha. mm watched up. danny & jason left the theater. danny had a headache & went home. my date left me :[ up was a pretty good movie :) then we went to the food court. mcdonalds ! chris got..idk what he got. but i know he had some fries. bestfriend got a mcchicken & a ranch snackwrap. i got the same thing, but he got crispy nd i got grilled. i bought a tank top at v generation. "vagina generation" as chris says. cathy spilled hot sauce on chris's nipple while i was gone LMAO uhh went to aero, then tilt, where we played a racing game. i got 4th place, as i expected -_- theeen chris left. i went to DQ where i saw angela :) it's been a while ! then we went back to tilt, where we attempted to play air hockey with some of jason's cough drops.. ? we went out to wait for charlene & her group. jason left. saw truong. the group came out. hung with henry & kurt. played with that coin thing by johnny rockets. 8 o'clock came by, we left & i went to my grandparents' house. went upstairs to watch tv. they have NO good channels up there -_- called angela, went home, idk what happened after that.

saturday. fourth of july. independence day. guess what ! i did nothing. stayed in front of the computer all day, then went to church as usual. came back, stopped at this place to watch fireworks for a couple of minutes, went home. blahblah..

yesterdeee ! church, as usual. went to play basketball in the scorching heat at like 2:30. i was wearing my chucks, and i burned my feet -_- got blisters & a scratch on my pinky. my teams mostly won though hehe :) lost like, one outta five ! yeees ;) it was fuun. headed to the chens' house after, where we chillaxed for a while. randall left, we went swimming. jacuzzi felt good :) the other chen family came along a little later, started playing tag. met jade, her little brother, and her uncle. 8 o' clock came along nd we headed back to the chen house. had dinner & left. bob had a tour of the new house. dad came back. that's pretty much it.

today was just a normal day.

peace outt !
love, lyd <3

life's a big ol' busy mess

i'm so freaking busy, it's crazy
gotta juggle summerschool, church, moving, losing weight, basketball, asb, and friends. nd i feel like everything overlaps. so bad, so bad. i wish i could just bring it all together. i need better time management ! omg.

so yesterday i hung with kevinlim again :) usually it's thursdays but i guess this week was different. not sure if we're gonna chill tomorrow cuhs he's got a placement test to take. but he'll call me hehe so i'm just gonna have to wait nd see. so we were supposed to eat lunch with chriscelle, but she was sick :[ kevin hasn't seen a lot of people since like, graduation. so kevin nd i went to the bank, again. we're both pretty broke..haha. so then we went to yoshinoya ? yeah i think that was next. i had a beef bowl & he had a combo. i guess i'm weaksauce then. he paid for me ! >:o but thanks :) <3 hmm then we went to quickly where he got a boba nd i got a peach slush. i was supposed to pay but he took out a dollar so i kinda only paid a couple of cents. he's broke too ! why's he being so niceee ? hahaha so theeeen we went to hong kong markeet where i waited for him to get a haircut. then we headed back to his house. he took a shower, nd thank goodness i didn't see him walk out with just his boxers again. hahaha cuhs i fell asleep on the couch downstairs -_- i played with his turtle before that. couldn't talk to ryan cuhs he was on the phone & then idk. he seemed busy haha. so after that kevin took me back to school at like 3 cuhs he was gonna go to joan's house. i would've gone too but i didn't have a ride at 4, or at least i didn't wanna trouble joan. we won our game in an extremely exciting manner. thank goodness we found malerie <3 is that how her name is spelled ? anywho thanks to ariel as well :) so yeah, not a bad day ! haha

today, asb meeting was like, half an hour -_- turns out i might be missing a bunch of workdays :[ buncha church plans ! this is what i mean about stuff overlapping. so after the meeting i had absolutely nothing to do. ariel was in class, kevinlim was working, people were busy with tennis practice, joan had band practice, ericchang's phone told me it didn't receive incoming calls -_-, nd just pretty much everyone was busy. my mom wasn't gonna pick me up til 5, so like, what was i to do, yaknow ? i found kelley. hehehehe we were both gonna stay at school til 5 with absolutely nothing to do, so we decided to go do something ! we were heading towards dbay when she said OH LET'S GO TO THE LIBRARY ! hehehe so we went to the library, and on the way some guys were hitting on her LMAO. sooo at the library we looked for waldo, took little quiz thingies in an m magazine, and read winnie the pooh :) then we headed back for school, where we watched tennis for a couple of minutes, then we went to the gym to wait for the basketball game. i left, and my mom, my brother, nd i went to yoshinoya & quickly, once again. mm after that they went to a furniture store while i stayed on the car talking to ariel. then we went to ikea & we were there for like, HOURSS. i saw this guy nd i thought he was cute. but i'll probably never see him again so whatevers. he had a big nose anywas hahah. mm i was on the phone with annie before that, cuhs i have absolutely no independence day plans & i wanted to hang with her, but she has plans D: uhh so yeah. july 4th is free for me guys ! hit me up cuhs i'm bored ;) mm i got home at like, 9 & i called mariel. we talked for like 15 minutes, then angela called me nd we talked for like, two minutes haha. mm i've been on ever since & my mom needs the computer now.

peace outt !
love, lyd <3