i never knew

how scared of spiders i really am..

i found one on me today. i was hosing down the steps or whatever in front of my house. i looked down, and there was a spider on my leg. as i sprayed it with the hose, i screamed so loud the whole block probably heard me. my family got mad at me, but all i could do was yell with tears streaming down my face. they wondered why i was crying and told me to go inside. my mom told me i need to overcome this fear of spiders. i'm thinking, how the heck am i supposed to do that ? they freaking freak me out. i've always been arachnophobic or whatever, but i've never had one on me before. i told my mom i was gonna go take a shower. i was traumatized for like an hour or so. while in the shower, i still couldn't stop crying. along with the water, tears unendingly continued to stream down my face. i kept feeling like there were spiders all over me. coming out of the showerhead and in my hair, crawling out of the drain and up my legs, coming in on the walls, everything, everywhere. i wanted to get out, but i knew i couldn't, or at least i shouldn't. like my mom said, i needed to overcome this fear. i repeatedly said to myself "there's no spiders, there's no spiders" [yeah i know it's gramatically incorrect -_-] with an occasional add-in like, "there's no spiders, i don't see any spiders, there's no spiders". i was breathing heavily, hyperventilating. i felt light-headed, like i was about to faint. i was so scared, you don't even know. i don't even know how many times i had to say to myself, "there's no spiders", probably thousands and thousands of times. who knew i was like this ? i didn't even know. when i got out of the shower, my eyes were still red and puffy. i came into my room, and i was still saying "there's no spiders". i didn't wanna go downstairs cuhs the doors are downstairs, the doors that lead to the outside. i can still feel it on me, and i don't want to go outside ever again. but what am i supposed to do ? i have to, i can't stay here forever because of one little spider..

- lyd. <3