it's 1:30 in the mornin'

nd i just wanted to say hi.

yeee

i have nothing to blog about, but idk what else i can do.

eh, i'm currently working on a looong handshake for kevinlim, cuhs he said "at least 20 seconds" -_- HAHAHAHAH deng, it's gonna be so lame. freakin' thumbwar ;D hahahahaha woow i'm such a loser.

mm, i made it into choir ! charisma ? but i guess that means i'm not gonna be doin' IB.

you know, i've already been thinking about the seniors leaving. it's gonna suck so much. kevinlim, daaavidwizzang, tj, jack, cliff, yeah i know that's not all of them ! i just don't wanna list anymore HAHA wow i'm mean. ima miss you guys sooo muuch ! like seriously dude.

so uh, i'm pretty fat. i needa lose weight, majorly. it's killing me just thinking about how fat i am. ayeeee

okay yeah, i really don't have much to talk about.

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

thank you,

God.

whoa deng, still gots lotsa hw to do -_- TOO BAD

these past two days, i've been feeling a lot better. really, i have no idea why. HAHAHAHAHA yesterday night i just felt like dancin' ! muahaha. nd today, it just totally didn't feel like a thursday. i completely forgot about my homework hahaha. so i was at school for like an extra four hours. OMG MARIEL ND DABBIE i thought today was pretty funny ;D so uh, i was at costco with my mom nd my brother. nd you know what ?! COSTCO IS FULL OF WONDERS ;) there are so many things i never saw before, i was seriously runnin' down the aisles lookin' at EVERYTHING. hahahah duuuuude. costco maaan. ahh-maazing. HAHAH

but the crazy thing about it all is just that i was so freakin' carefree. i feel like these past two days, i've just been letting go all a lot of my stress, unconsciously. it's a great feeling to be carefree, it really is. but i know my stress will come back. it always does, haha. but it's okay, cuhs at least i've had a break from it all.

thanks tawnya, kanow, nd jess. NOT kevinlim this time ! omg, "i don't know what to say" HAHAHAHA jaykaay<3 honestly, if i hadn't talked to you guys, i woulda never realized that he's really not worth it, at all. i don't remember the feeling of not liking anyone at all, but i'm really hoping it's comin' soon. but i really don't know, i might find someone else LMAO.

so i should really do my homework now. hahahhaha

once again, thank you Lord, for relieving me, nd for everything.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but it everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phillipians 4:6-7

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

so here's what i'm thinkin' ;

here's what's on my mind. i'm just sick nd tired of my life, really i am. sometimes i just wanna stay at home nd sleep all day, at other times i just wanna run away. i wish things could go back to the way they used to be, when they were good.

so i'm goin' for historian for asb, no idea if i'll get it or not. nd kanow & jess, i'm really hopin' you guys get what you want with it.
i'm also goin' for show choir, nd i'm a bit apathetic to it all. if i don't make it, i'd probably be a bit whatevers about it, i might even be a bit relieved. but if i make it, i'm sure it'll be fun nd ima enjoy it, but who knows ?

all this shiz that i'm doin', why do i go through it all ? am i really just tryna make my life harder on myself than it already is ? cuhs if i go through with all the stuff i'm doin' nd if i make it through, by senior year i'll be in just about a bajillion clubs, basketball, choir, and asb. nd on top of it all, i'll be in freakin' honors. i feel like i'm tryna kill myself the hard way.

nd i'm goin' on a notsomuchadiet diet. cuhs i'm fat nd i needa lose weight.

ugh. all that uh..physical stuff i'm goin' through, all the school business, just the thought of it is killing me inside. but on top of that, i've got horrible time management & extremely severe ADD. not really, but i get distracted so freakin' easily, i don't know how i'm gonna get anything done. nd omg, procrastination. am i the queen of procrastination or what ? okay not really, but i'm pretty darn close. my life sucks.

maybe i love hangin' with the seniors so much cuhs they're so freakin' chill, nd when i'm with them i don't worry about all this stuff. chillin' with david, joan, jack, kevinhsu, kevinlim, tawnya, occasionally angela & christinakung, [sorry if i forgot anyone] it just kinda takes everything off my mind. or at least it used to.

now, we don't really jam as much as we used to, nd it's so freakin' awkward for me. it's not exactly hard for me to talk to him, but i just feel like i really don't know what to say anymore cuhs i have no clue what he's thinkin'. at least before, he didn't know. every time i talked to him, i could say anything i wanted cuhs i knew he probably wasn't thinkin' "whoa she likes me". but now, now i know he knows nd it just makes me crazy. i often wonder what he's thinkin', what he thinks of me. i'm scared, you know ? i'm scared he's freakin' annoyed of me, cuhs that's the outcome every freakin' time i like someone. what's freakin' wrong with me -_-

i just wanna get over him. i feel like i'm goin' back nd forth. one moment i like him, the next moment i'm not so sure. ask me again, yeah i like him, the next day i'm like eeh idk :/ i wish my answer could just be no. i wish i didn't like anyone, i've liked way too many guys this year nd i'm getting freakin' sick of it. but honestly, idk. idk if i prefer goin' from guy to guy but not feelin' too much pain, or stickin' on one guy for a year, then getting my heart crushed. i've been through both, nd i guess i'd say i prefer the second. thinkin' maybe one day it's gonna work out. but i know that that's not very likely for the time being.


God, will You please lighten my load ? i know i wouldn't deserve it, nd i know You wouldn't give me anything i couldn't handle, but i'm just so stressed out nd i feel like i'm about to break down, a g a i n . i'm scared, God. nd i need You, i need You now. i'm too weak to get through this on my own. nd i'm sorry for neglecting You, for feelin' like my time spent with You can be put off, cuhs i know it can't but i do it anyways. Lord, i'm sorry. will You please forgive me ?

---
"In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fall
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring You praise

Thank You for the trials
For the fire, for the pain
Thank You for the strength
Knowing You have ordained
Every day

Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day"
---

it's a great song, nd i'm feelin' it right now. God, please open my eyes so that i can see what i need to do. f o r Y o u.

i am

a distracted little lady. i do just about anything to not do homework, don't i ? ayeeeeee. i can't wait until april. last year, april was depression month. this year i think it's march. rawr. i wish march would just go away..

anyways, screw bio. we're supposed to make shape poems for english, so i was lookin' some up. nd i found one that i thought was cute.

happy

birthday thomaskang !
hahahahah it was supposed to be at the end of that blog entry down there
V V V




but i guess it's not.
so happy birthday ! :D

alex fails

haha so today was just a normal sunday, until we were about to leave church. lily's car wasn't starting, so mimi came over to my brother asking about it. lily was driving her husband's stickshift, nd when i heard that i was like OMG KEVJUMBA CAN :D cuhs i totally just watched "put it in purse" last night. lmaoo. so i was like, tryna remember from the video how to work it. but uh, yeah you guys know about my bad memory ;) haha jess would know. so alex came out, with all his super-effective ideas. we had to push the car around the parking lot like a bajillion times, nd it still didn't work. then michael came out. all he had to do was start the car nd it was working. i was like, WOOOW ALEX FAILS ;)
so before this, we had been watching kungfupanda in the nursery. yes, us high schoolers in the nursery. so uh, angela left me. she asked me to go with her but i was like, naah. cuhs she was supposed to come back in like 20 minutes. so karina nd sarah came in nd started playing sorry. apparently they weren't interested in kungfupanda. i was thinking OH NO YOU DIDN'T when sarah said, i don't wanna watch this. so uh, since angela wasn't there to keep me company, i fell asleep. when i woke up, karina nd sarah were gone, the movie was over, nd i was like totally confused. my first thought was like, HUH ?! then it was like, where's angela ? hahahaha if angela was reading this, she would love me. lmaoo so yeah, then i went outside nd my mom was like we're leaving. so yeah. then all that first paragraph happened. so yeah. i have a buncha hw that i really don't wanna do. i just wanna sleep, sit somewhere nd eat, or talk on the phone with a certain someone that probably doesn't wanna talk to me. or maybe take a walk. haha, me nd my walks. but i have homework to do, so i guess i can't.

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

i remember

when i was a little girl. yeah, i was pretty fat. i know what you're thinking : "WAS ?!" lmaoo yes, was. i was born 9 pounds 6 ounces. BIIIIIIIG baby. hahahahaha so uh, idk why i started out with that. hm, when i was a little girl, i didn't care what people thought about me. when i ate candy, i didn't think about diabetes. when i ate sandwiches, i didn't think about the carbs. when i ate fried chicken, i didn't care about the oil. i never cared much that my stomach was gimongous. nd yet now, it bothers me when i gain an inch around my waist, or when i gain a pound the next morning. when i was a little girl, i wore the clothes my parents picked out for me. i could care less about what i was wearing, as long as i had something to wear. i wouldn't spend like more than 100 bucks on clothes nd shoes in a month. i was never "in style" nd i didn't care much about following trends. but now, my parents buy me a shirt nd i look at it thinking, omg i'm not gonna wear that. i've spent almost $200 in one store in a couple of hours. i'm sitting here, wearing skinny jeans nd brand name clothes, nd i like to keep my hair the way everyone else's is, so they don't think i'm ugly. haha just pretend jen nd i never cut my bangs. i remember when i was a little girl, i never really cared much about what others thought about me. i just wanted to have fun, nd i did. but now, here i am, tryna please everyone around me. nd i can say that i'm not always myself. jack nd kevin used to say that i was too quiet, nd that mariel's so much more hyper than i am. i guess it's cuhs i never wanted to say the wrong thing or embarrass myself in front of them. but why do i care so much ? i have no idea. i mean, yeah, i am myself. it's just kinda censored, i guess i could say. so why do i care so much ? i have no idea. [yeah i know i said that already, but who cares.] maybe it's cuhs of the pressure this world gives us. how if you're not like the "cool" people, you're a social outcast. or how if you don't dress the way "cool" people do, or you don't do your hair the way they do, if you don't get plastic surgery or breast implants or uh, cute accessories, you're ugly. i have no idea why cute accessories is in there, i just wanted to say it. nd i know that this is major exaggeration, but what the world is today is major exaggeration of what i think the world should be. why is it so hard to be a non-conformist, or to say no to peer pressure, nd still be liked by those around you ? i wish i knew, cuhs then maybe i could do something about it. sometimes i wish i wasn't like everyone else. especially since the Bible says that christians should be unliked, cuhs we're not of the world. so why's it so hard to desire to be different ? why's it so easy to conform to those around you ? why does it come so naturally to want to be liked by your friends ? i have no idea. but i remember when these things weren't so important to me. i remember when high school wasn't in the picture, forcing these things on me, nd when our society didn't care about these things as much as it does now.

seems as if...

...everyone's getting too lazy or too busy to blog nowadays. i'm one of those people. but i still miss signin' on every day to post superlong blogs that are so long that i don't even feel like rereading them myself.

...sadies is the most stressful dance of the year. probably cuhs girls stress out about this stuff more than guys do. there's so much freakin' drama ! omg.

...my life is falling apart, but i'm the one who's not tryin' hard enough to fix it. i don't even know why i feel like this. i'm just so much worse than what i used to be. i wonder if it's cuhs i hang out with the seniors too much. but hey 'o9, you guys are the best, nd there's no doubt about it.

...there's a fake side to everybody. even the people who you'd never expect it out of. freakin' hypocrites everywhere you go. nd don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm not one of these people. but i am saying that i don't want to be.

...high school can kill your life. whether it's homework, drama, extracurricular activities [HAHA ERICTAN], or whatever. everything's just so much worse than it was when you were a kid. back in the day, "...getting high meant swinging at the playgrounds. the worst thing you could get from a girl was cooties. race issues were who could run the fastest. the only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike. life was so simple and carefree..."

...some of the people that you used to "hate" become the people that you end up talking to more than most people. some of the people you used to "love" become the farthest from what you could call a friend. you never know what's gonna happen to your relationships/friendships, so don't think that you can just walk away nd they'll still be waiting there for you any time you wanna come back. maybe you're not worth it, or maybe you just failed to realize that they were worth it.

...i'm never gonna get over the memories. i'm over the boy, forsure. but every now nd then, i tend to reminisce, nd i often wish we could just go back. i'm through, nd i know it, i know i couldn't go through it all again, but something about it all just keeps pulling me back. my heart aches when i think of it, when i think of him, nd when i think of everything we went through together. why am i blogging about this ? who knows. maybe i'm just bored. nd maybe i'm just so freakin' lonely.

...i'm runnin' outta things to say. so i'm just gonna talk about my day again. nah, nevermind. there's nothing important goin' on haha. jess, i'd say congrats buuuuut naaaah ;)

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

hellooo

so i haven't posted in a while. i haven't really been signing on lately, cuhs i've been so busy with sadies stuff & homework. but i decided to sign on cuhs i wanted to ask harrison about art homework. hahah he's not even in art. stupid art homework. i have no creativity whatsoever. well anyways, thanks harrison, seriously. hahaha for all the hw help ;) you're like smarterchild, but you actually respond as if you can think ! hahahaha ohkay, no idea what i'm talking about anymore. so i don't feel like talking about my day, except for the fact that i'm so confused about sadies. i'm sure eric is more confused than i am, but i just don't know. i feel so bad, yet i have the urge to be mean & selfish. idkidkidk ! why you gotta be sucha pimp, eric ? :/ soo..david. seriously, it wasn't sweat. idk wuhtchu smokin' but i really think you're trippin' HAHAHAHA IDK :) sometimes i really wish kevinlim had internet in his room. hahahah cupcaaakes. so i called him. nd jack picked up & i didn't know it was jack. so i just started talking to him nd he was like, okay i'll tell kevin. nd i was like, HUH WHO IS THIS ?! then i realized it was jack. hahahahahah idk. sooo, i'm gonna miss the not-so-long car rides with kevin. you better hurry up nd make your parents happy, okay ? hahaha mrs. holbrook is waiting. nd i know you totally don't read this but i just wanna thank you for the rides. it's okay that you can't take me home for now. nd i wanna yell at you for not eating even ONE of the SIX cupcakes i made for you, but i know it's really not your fault. goodluck with your problems, kevin :) nd now i still have homework to do.

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

happy

freakin' birthday, mariel. you know, there's just so much about you that a guy could love. nd there's just so much about you that a girl could love [as friends. haha]. did you thank your parents for me yet ? ;) ahahah oh btw, you didn't remind me to sing my song for you. haha i was scared to remind you myself. sorry ! so where shall i begin ? how about the day i met you in sixth grade in algebra 1 at rowland high school ? haha too bad. cuhs i totally don't remember that day -_- i guess i just remember sixth grade in general. oh gosh, back then we were what, eleven ? twelve ? nd now we're both freaking fifteen. deng, it's been like three years since we met. so anyways, back in mrs. phillips algebra 1 class, nd on the bus. i remember how you used to love sunchips. nd oh gosh, remember alonso ?! deng, he was the best bus driver in the world. hahahaha but you didn't go to jellick so you didn't get all the inside stuff that us jellickers went through. haha but it's okay, this blog is about YOU ! ahahha so yeah. sunchips. that's about all i remember from during the year..HAHA SORRY. well of course i remember telling you about enoch ! lmao, then one day vickie didn't let me talk to you anymore ! i still wanted to tell you about enoch..HAHAHAHAHAH wow. boys, is that all i ever think about ?! so anyways, i stopped talking to you for the longest time, then towards the end of the year i remember telling vickie "you know you're bound to talk to her again someday" or something like that. i remember using the word "bound" HAHA idk why -_- so yeah, one day she decided to talk to you again. nd i'm not sure when jasper came into the picture [for me] but by then, it was like you, me, vickie, nd jasper ! hahaha idk. so then summer came along, nd i remember talking to you on what i believe was your first sn : thexfatxpig or something. HAHAH nd me with my cuteaznpride or something. hahaha, nd that's when you became my best friend. i don't even remember how we got so close. todd possibly ? hm, who knows. well i went to china that summer, nd OH DENG i almost forgot about wilber nd willie. hhahahahaha deeeeng that was so long ago ! remember how i was cuhrazy over wilber ? deeeng, well you didn't know him so i guess it wasn't the same for you. but idk. so that was the summer mariel became lydia's bestfriend. nd at the time, you were the only person who ever called me lyd. haha so seventh grade came along. we were going to the same school ! hahahhaa deng this is gonna be a long post, isn't it. hahah so seventh grade came along, with me nd jchu nd jasperduh, omg :) theeen eighth grade came along with us nd our booys. well you know what, mariel ? i say screw eighth grade with us nd our boys. cuhs now it's ninth grade with you nd phillip nd me bein' lonely HAHAHAH but at least i'm hangin' out with you guys now ! i seriously spent like every second of my life with him last year, nd i shoulda taken some of that time to spend with you. but you still loved me ! even though i always ditched everyone for this boy who would later ditch me. ANYWAYS, all this time, with our ups nd downs, through thick nd thin nd everything in between, you've been with me through it all. nd i hope you can say the same for me. all those saturday nights when my computer's not on, i just go home nd i decide to call you. you know i don't recall ever once wanting to call anyone but you. cuhs we go through these phases where we aren't as close at times, or like we haven't really had much time to spend together. so i call you, nd we catch up :) even though the right choice for me is to clean my room or go to sleep cuhs i have church the next morning. hahahah well it's okay, cuhs at least i'm still sleeping earlier than usual when my computer's not on. well anyways, this totally isn't about your birthday ! hahahah. so yeah, we have to hang out. outside of school. cuhs we haven't done so in a superloong time. hm, it's 11:15 nd i should get back to my homework ! once again, happy fifteenth birthday, vmbb. hope you enjoyed second period ;) i know you love watching me dance. HAHAHA JAYKAY <3 happy birthday, i love you, nd goodnight ! hahaha :D

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3


p.s. happy birthday, navila <3
happy birthday, desi <3
happy first birthday, ryanhu ! <3

here's a list

of things i wanna do before i die. i may add to it in the future, if i remember. hahaha

in no particular order :
1. go ice skating
2. go skydiving
3. read the twilight series
4. read "do hard things"
5. read eragon & eldest or whatever
6. convert someone [more would be better] to christianity
7. read the Bible through
8. spend a day just hanging out nd having fun with a close friend. yes, one friend.
9. take a walk to as far as i want
10. lose my stress & be carefree, for at least a day
11. be a rebel for a day ;)
12. omg lose 30 pounds
13. make that music vid ! coughJENcough
14. throw a successful surprise birthday party
15. make a much longer list cuhs i'm too lazy to think of anymore.

so, i didn't blog yesterday. possibly this might be another two looooong posts ;D
i know how much jess enjoyed reading my COMPLETELY pointless posts two days ago, or whenever it was. hahaha yeah, i spent THREE freaking hours on the phone with her yesterday. even though like both of us have horrible reception, so it kept losing signal or whatever. still, altogether, it's the longest i've been on the phone in a while. i don't even remember the last time i had such a long phone conversation. well whatevers. so i won't be deatiled about yesterday. i just wanna mention that we totally like pigged out in the parking lot at albertsons. hhahaha it was funny. so it was joan, me, davidwizzang, nd ericman. we were just hangin' out at school nd we got bored. so we decided to go somewhere, but we had no idea where. so we just got on the car nd started going. then david was like let's go to albertsons so we went to albertsons nd bought a buncha food. st. patrick's day cookies ! potato salad & macaroni salad. we bought both cuhs we couldn't pick. hahaha. mm some arizonaa, nd i think that's it. david got a free rootbeerfloat for donating to something or something..haha then we pigged out on the car in the parking lot while listening to david's music. some guy in a car in front of us had his head out the window. it looked like he was watching us, WHICH IT TOTALLY CREEPY ! but joan said he was probably sleeping. i really don't think so..hahahaha well we got back to school, i had to walk home, i fell asleep as usual, ate, called jess, nd did my homework.

TODAY.
first period, nothing to blog about, as usual. second period. i texted kevin lim with jess's phone, nd it started this completely long text conversation which didn't end until like seventh period. but half of the time, he was talking to jess, cuhs sadly, i'm not in all of her classes. hahahah THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ME. so uh yeah, i spent all of second period pretty much texting kevin nd talking to jess. third period : texting kevin nd watching shrek ! goodjob jess, we won the competition ;) fourth period : pop quiz or whatever, idk. they called it a test, but it didn't really seem like one. i don't have this class with jess, so no texting for mee. hahaah finished watching over the hedge. fifth period : took a test ! omg. nd i don't have that class with jess either. LUNCH ! bestbuddies ! heads up seven up & four corners. pretty fun, but lack of people present. hahahah nd then i spent the rest of lunch looking for kevin, but i couldn't find him -_- so, sixth period : we had a sub ! jess is in my class, so i spent that period texting kevin. i was pretty much like, screw my worksheet. hahaha, they were all asking me for help, nd i just wanted to say I DIDN'T DO IT YET ! hahaha jaykay, i don't mind helping people. so i texted kevin, talking about how he was talking to jess, nd i said, but you like talking to me more, right ? nd he didn't respond for the longest time. i just wanted to slap him on the back side of the head. then he responded, saying he was eating. SURE, KEVIN. SURE. hahaha jaykay, i believe you :) hahahaha i wonder what would happen, or like what he would say if he read my blogs..lmao. thank goodness he doesn't have internet in his room ! hahaha jaykay, i don't mind if he reads these things. hm so, he had to go pick up his brother at southlands, WHICH IS TOTALLY MY OLD SCHOOL, nd i went with him. we got there nd i started talking about who my old teachers were, nd i think the only one still there is mrs. holbrook, gosh i had her in freakin' KINDERGARTEN. i went up to her, "hi mrs. holbrook, do you remember me ? i'm lydia" "no, i'm sorry, but hi lydia :)" "oh..okay" nd then after a while she was like, yeah, i remember your face. nd i was like, oh ! hahaha. but something makes me think she just made that up. she said she was like half asleep today, nd she told me to promise that i'd go back to see her. i'm thinkin' she just wants me to go back another day so she can go home nd look at some old yearbooks nd figure out who i am. HAHAHAH kevin would totally agree. he always makes fun of me, yaknow ? but then again he's just like that. so we went to kevin's house cuhs he wanted to take a shower. nd i spent the time talking to his lil' brother ryan. he's a coolcat 8] we watched the turtle for a while, nd then i wanted to see kevin's room. so we went upstairs nd spent five minutes smelling his cologne. hahahaha. then he came out of the shower..uh. no details. nd i went into ryan's room nd looked around. then i decided to go out on the balcony cuhs i thought it was cool. deng, i'm like so deprived, aren't i ? then kevin came nd he was like let's go. so we went back to school, nd we started playing some basketball. oh btw, i had a poptart ! at kevin's house. then we brought some pudding to school nd i ate one of those too. i'm a fatty. up there, from my list, about losing 30 pounds, i really don't know if it'll ever happen. HAHAHA so back to basketball. it waaaaas ryanlim, meee, ericchang, ericman, jacklin, kevinlim, chrisidkhislastname, uh, angela was there, but she never plays cuhs i hit her in the face with a basketball. haha jaykay, that's not the reason. but i did do that.. :[ nd if i'm forgetting anyone, sorry ! so at the end it was just kevin, ryan, angela, nd me. so kevin took me home after a while, nd i signed on, went to my grandparents, came back, nd here i am. i know this is like totally superlong. SORRY :D

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

p.s. happy birthday, karina <3

whoo ! continued.

lmao. so btw, erickang was there too, afterschool yesterday. nd i'm probably forgetting about a buncha people. nd i know i said i wasn't gonna start from the beginning of the day, but i guess i did ! :D
okay, time for today's day. so i woke up. my hair was horrible, so i clipped it up. lmao that is of no significance, but who cares. so i got to school. first period went by. yeah, it's too boring to blog about. i was still pretty unhappy at the time, i guess. so uh, second period ! i talked to jess about stuff, ate like half her boxes of sushi, nd totally ignored our math hw, even though both our books were out nd everything hahaha. yeah none of that is out of the ordinary. but she totally like, made me smile. hahhahaha so third period came. nd by that time i was fine. we had a sub today. this class was just like whatever today. fourth period came, nd we went to the theater room cuhs gavin had to do stuff with ms. d or whatever. so i spent the time talking to brian [again], ariel, nd dab about my depressing news from yesterday. nd then i watched dab make the uhh..whatever they're called. hahaha. then fifth period came. we watched a boring vid that i pretty much wasn't paying much attention to. nd grace, allysa, me nd derrick played this game thingy or whatever. i'm not sure if jasper was part of it. but it was pretty accurate, in my opinion. i shared my results with dab after. lmaoo. so uh fifth period ended, nd i saw kevinlim, as usual. cuhs he like totally has the class next to mine. i was gonna punch him, but i was goin' slow so he pounded it instead. LMAO uh so then i saw dab, nd that's when i shared my results with her. hahaha. so we walked to mariel's locker, i went to hu's room, nd we went to my locker with mariel nd phillip. actually all three of them were at phillip's locker. but it's pretty close to mine. hahaha. so then mar nd phil went off as dab nd i went to the csf meeting. that was short. but maybe cuhs we were late. hahaha whateverss. cliff, i hate how you're so tall. so i went to sixth period. boring, as usual. so we had time to do some group stuff. me nd kanow, again ! even though we were like totally not supposed to. so i showed her the game from fifth period, nd she was like omg i wanna play ! nd hers wasn't just pretty accurate. it was like a smack in the face kind of right on the dot. HAHAH idk, i just made that up. but hers was like super accurate. hahaha. nd sixth period ended. i went over to david nd jack, nd we went to the table. then we went into the hideout, nd they were playing with the cart. sachie came in nd uh, they did something bad :o there was a knock, we grabbed our stuff nd RAN FOR OUR LIVES. lmaoo. mariel had called, asking for me to go to the tennis courts, so i had to leave D: nd i went, nd i like totally did all the wrong things. but hopefully they don't hate me ! :[ so i called kevinlim. he didn't pick up. nd the last time that happened, it was cuhs he didn't even get the call. so i decided to call him again. he picked up, saying, dude you called me when i was peeing ! nd i was like OOOH HAHAHAH nd everyone was like SHHHHH cuhs there was a tennis game going on..i was like :o oops ! nd i ran away hahahah so i wouldn't bother them. kevin rejected my request for a ride to dolphinbay. all he said was have fun walking ! -_- THANKS KEVIN. THANKS FOR THE LOVE. < /3 so mar, dab nd i walked to dbay. we got our food, nd they had to leave. i had to stay to wait for richmond, WHO TOOK FREAKING HALF AN HOUR. i was all lonely ! hahahahha it's okay richmond, i'm used to being lonely. oh gosh, how sad. so kevin called asking for a pork over rice. nd i was like why me ? richmond's coming right ? nd he was like well you're already there so i wanted to ask you to get it ! so i got it. that's $1.62, kevin. haha jaykay, i really don't need the money back. so richmond nd kevinG came. finally ! nd they got the boba. we asked jack if he wanted a pork over rice, nd he said yeah. so uh, that's 40 cents, jack. cuhs richmond paid for the rest. HAHAH JAYKAY ;) so uh, we went to go "pooling" as mariel calls it. hahaha it was pretty funny :) kevinlim sucked, richmond was like, epic failure. HAHAH JAYKAY <3 jack wasn't out of the ordinary, nd kevinG wasn't either. i think. HAHAH well this was only my second time going with them. so i wouldn't know :) hm, so kevin nd kevin won. wait, i forgot who won last time..hahahhaha. whatevers. i never play, cuhs i know i'd be an epic epic epic failure. i just WATCH hahaha how weird. but it's okay ! they're cool with it :) i hope :o well too bad ! hhahaha so uh, deng i have so many hahaha's today. cuhs today was a good day ! ahhaha <-- there i go again. so uh, kevinlim took me home nd yelled at me for taking so long. cuhs i always do :) it totally gets on his nerves, lmao. so uh i got home. i was kinda crazy for a bit. cuhs hey, i was in a good mood :) then i fell asleep..hahah then i had dinner. nd i memorized dialogue b. stupid ms. hu. nd i was about to start on like history or bio or something, nd my mom called me over to get my orange. hahah that sounds so funny. well anyways, i was just like omg i wanna blog ! i'm in the mood to blog ! nd i knew it was totally gonna kill my time even more than my nap did. nd i was right. cuhs i still have like tons of homework. jack was hopeless in helping me on math. he said he hadn't been paying attention in class, but he'd take a look at it. he was looking at my paper, then he gave it back after a while nd he was like, yeah i don't get it either. nd i was like haha okay. then after a while i was like oh btw jack thanks. nd he was like for what ? i didn't do anything. nd i was like, for trying. nd i think he said "oh, you're welcome" but i was listening to music so i'm not sure. hahaha but now that i think about it, i'm wondering if he even tried. HAHAH so i still have a bunch of math hw that i don't get..i shouldn't be blogging :) but at least i haven't been on myspace, youtube, or aim ! goodjob, lyd ;D hahaa idk. so there's my day for ya. hopefully you enjoyed reading about it, but i really doubt you did. whoever "you" are. HW TIME ! argh

peace oooout ! 8]
. lyd ! <3

p.s. happy birthday olivia :) <3

whoo !

hahaha oh gosh, today was a MUCH better day. it started out horribly. i was hopelessly depressed during first period. then second period came along, nd i had mucho fun talking with jess ! hahahahhaa idk why, it was just like any other day. not doing our math, eating her healthy sushi, nd talking about boys, lmao. but i was smiling/laughing by that time ! muahaha 8] deng, of all the people i talk about in my blogs, i mention her the most. NO IDEA WHY <3 so anyways, i guess i'll be talking about my day again today ! oh gosh, how boring. oh by the way, myspace.com/lydwashere and youtube.com/lazielyd ! listen to me sing ! hahahahaa jaykay you don't have to. but i posted two new vids this weekend. i think it was this weekend. hahahaha okay. so back to my day. i guess i'll start with yesterday, not the beginning though. just wherever i feel like :) hm so, school started : first period, second period, third period went by. then fourth period nd fifth period. then after fifth period, i saw kevinlim ! deng i mention him a lot too, don't i ? he doesn't even read my blogs. hahaha so uh, he had some info to tell me, so i asked him about it, nd he said he'd tell me later ! nd by the expression on his face, i was kinda confused about whether the news was good or bad. but i was still hoping it was good. so it was lunch. i went through my normal routine : mariel's locker to get my chinese stuff, into hu's room to put in my chinese stuff, my locker to put away my bio stuff. then i went to the hideout for the bestbudding social. i saw joy, but kanow nd sandy were no where to be found. same with jess ! omg. nd at that time, i completely forgot about jack in the box. so yesterday, it was just me nd joy. we made these cool bracelets ! hahhaha. she ended up making a necklace, but it broke at the last minute :[ but i hope she fixed it ! cuhs she was kinda sad.. nd then the social was over, nd i spent the rest of lunch being bored. then it was time for sixth period. that ended, nd i went to gill's room for basketball. we signed in, stayed for a while, nd cuhs i'm not doing the spring league, i left. hangout with david, jack, nd kevinhsu ! omg i don't even remember if those were the people yesterday. hahaha wait yeah ! uhh, joan came afterwards too. ohwait ericman ! hahah so uh, i waited til seventh was over. then i waited til kevinlim got his brother nd sister or whatever he was doing. then he took me to jack in the box ! we talked about some depressing stuff. HAHAHAH but hey, we got some free fries nd drinks. he got two chicken sandwiches nd two tacos too, but that was for angela nd whoever else wanted some. i wanted some. LMAO so i had a chicken sandwich. nd he had a taco. so the other chicken sandwich was for angela, nd the taco was for whoever. we got back to school cuhs kevin didn't wanna turn the other way to take me home LMAO so yeah, back to school it was. kevin nd i walked over to the pool to wait for angela. so while kevin nd i were waiting, i discovered that there was only a taco in the bag. he was like ARE YOU SERIOUS OMG THEY RIPPED ME OFF. apparently they didn't give us the other chicken sandwich ! >:o so kevin told angela i ate it..but i told her it's okay, there's still a taco :D hahahaha. so we went back to the hangout area. nd i kept leaving cuhs i wanted to talk to people about the depressing news. so i talked to jen while brian listened, nd i was being mean to bruce, again. hahaha nd i spent quite a lot of time talking to jess, according to kevin. btw, "kevin" is usually referring to "kevinlim" so i got back, nd kevin was like, let's go. cuhs he takes me home all the time. we took joan home first, then me. deng, kevin knows like every way to my house, even though i don't tell him. it's like a maze in there ! so confusing, yet he still gets it ! omg hahaha. so then kevinlim nd kevinhsu were left in the car. idk what happened to them after ;) kevinlim said they were gonna have some sexy time at his house but hey, who knows ?! hahaha so uh, i cried. lmao deng i'm sucha crybaby -_- nd yeah, deng that was pretty detailed, wasn't it ? nd that was only yesterday ! i was planning on being more detailed about today. maybe i'll just post another one about today.

BYE GUYS/GALS ! :D
. lyd ! <3

i hate life.

this is probably only a temporary feeling, but i don't know how long temporary's gonna be. i just wanna run away from everything right now, run away from life. i'd like to take a break from all the freaking pain this world has to give. but all i can do is stay here nd deal with it all. i guess that's what friends are for. thanks jess, thanks jen, thanks kanow, nd above all, thanks kevin. haha idk what kevin's done out of care, i just wanna thank him ! so i know this is like, the complete opposite of yesterday's post. haha i keep thanking people ! anywho. lotsa homework.

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

baby, it's cold outside

it's pretty cold inside too. hm, i wonder why. possibly cuhs i'm wearing like a tank top nd shorts..hahah

so i've come to the conclusion that i'm a very happy person. if you haven't already noticed, there's probably like a bajillion "hahaha"s in all of my blog entries. that's cuhs i laugh a lot. like my bestfriendbrian said today, i talk online just like i talk in person. yeah, most people don't, huh ? ahaha idk. well sometimes i wonder why i'm so happy. actually, no i don't. i often wonder why my life sucks so much. but when i take the time to look at other people's lives, or at their everyday problems and situations, i realize that i've got it pretty good, for now at least. haha. boy problems, friendship problems, parental problems, issues at school, or just any problems or issues in general ; yeah, of couse i've got them. but it's not as bad as what some of my friends go through, you know ? i feel like i just take everything for granted. like all this food i eat. i just eat nd eat, not thinking that one day southern california might be in a severe famine or something. nd all the food my mother makes for me, have i once thanked her for it ?! how she prepares like all my meals, how she washes all my clothes [yeah, yeah she does. hahaha], how she gives me a lot of the things i wanna buy. i seriously realize that i totally take her for granted. it's as if she HAS to cook for us, nd she HAS to take care of us. one day, she just might get lazy nd stop doing these things, nd ima be like, why aren't you making dinner ?! nd she's gonna say, i'm tired of it. i don't HAVE to do it anyways. nd it's gonna hit me smack in the face. dude, i totally went on a major tangent. but while we're here, i'm just gonna take this time to thank her. thanks mom. this word of thanks shouldn't just be on mother's day. or just on like random days, every once in a while. it should be every single day. cuhs that's just how much she does for me. i love you, mommy :) <3 so uh, back to my life. LMAO. so uh, i've been in a pretty big mess before. i mean, all my life i've been this crazy happy bubbly little girl. HAHAHAHA i love how it pisses jess off :) but anyways. i was like that in elementary school, as well as middle school. nd i guess i could say that i'm still like that now, even though it's not as much as before. the beginning of my freshman year i was like majorly depressed, nd ever since, i haven't really been the same. but i'm still happier than a lot of people..which is kind of sad. makes me wonder how bad their lives really are. sometimes i just wish that this world could be a superhappy place. at least for a day. that'd be great :) it'd be like we're livin' in disneyland ! omg :D hahaha jaykay. so uh, btw, i tell very pointless stories. nd idk if this can be considered a "story", but this entire blog entry to you may have been pointless. however, to me it's like an opening to my eyes or something. haha idk. cuhs like yeah, i totally didn't know what i was gonna write when i clicked on the link that said "post new" or whatever it said. i just wanted to post something. nd i did ! hahaha well yeah. sorry this is superlong, cuhs i just like totally wasted your time.

peace out !
. lyd ! <3

hm

have you ever just felt like you just wanted to walk out the door nd take a walk to as far as you could ? i kinda feel that way right now. i really think it's cuhs i just wanna take a step or two away from my homework. it's so stressing ! haha. i love long walks. i wish i could have more time to take them. i wish i could have someone who would come to my doorstep nd knock, nd say, is lydia home ? then they'd take me out for a walk to wherever our feet take us. nd i wish we could stay out for as long as we wanted. for hours, days, maybe even weeks on end. without my parents or my brother calling me up wondering where i am. omg that'd be great. yeah, i wish they'd just let me go nd just trust that i'd be safe, even though they don't know where the heck i am. ah, that'd really be wonderful. i have some math homework sitting everywhere. then some science homework nd a little bit of english homework. nd on top of that, i've got some history homework. i really don't wanna do it. i just wanna get out of the house nd take a walk. maybe to a friend's house, nd just be like, hey you wanna take a walk with me ? i love long talks with friends that i can just tell anything to nd talk to about anything. it's a great feeling to catch up with people like that. but whatevers. i know i can't do that. nd now i've gotta go upstairs for some family devotions :)

sorry for extra-wasting your time with two blog posts today !
peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

walawala

yo wsup 8]
haha i'm bored. i still have tons of homework, but whatevers, i'm still bored. all i did today was go to church, play piano, sing, do a little homework, synch my ipod, nd eat. i didn't even sign on aim so i could concentrate on homework. which totally didn't work, but whatevers. what a boring day. you know, it's like almost every week, all my saturday plans are cancelled. it sucks, it really does. yes, i am aware that it is sunday, i just feel like talking about saturdays, alrighty ? ah, i wish i wasn't so much of a no-lifer. but to heck with it, i always will be. argh. HW TIME :[

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

do do do do do do do

gotta change my answering machine
now that i'm alone
cuhs right now it says that we
can't come to the phone

this song tends to be the first song to pop in my head at times.
i have no idea why. i guess it's just cuhs i'm always thinking, "do do do"
then it just continues with the "do do do do" nd the rest of the song. hahah idk.

hm, what to say, what to say..
lalala i'm bored. nd excited. nd kinda scared. jess knows why ! omgomgomg :)
kevinlim better update me, or else i'll be mad at him. >:o for this, and for all the dolphins. lmao. uhh yeah, that seems to be all that's on my mind right now, except for mariel's birthday ! this sucks. i really wanted to hang out. we were supposed to hang out for my birthday. we never did. now her birthday's coming up nd she's busy. well yeah we have dab's birthday, but that's like one hangout out of three -_- nd what if we can't hangout for dab's birthday too ?! omgomgomg ! how scary. well there's jasper's too. so who knows. hopefully we can hang out at least once.

hm, brian nd jen made a blog ! finally ! ahahhahhaah

uhh..daylight savings ! omg whyyyyy i wish we didn't have to lose an hour. i already get very little sleep as it is. ayeeeee.

well i spent my day watching vids on youtube. while cramming all of my tons of homework for tomorrow. nd tomorrow i wanted to record vids..omg i'm so unproductive. i have horrible time management. did i mention that already ? who cares, it's all too true. major procrastination. not good. nd on top of that we're losing an hour ! aaaahh.

well i'm all out of ideas :)
peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

10th post !

hahahahahh idk :)
omgomgomg ! today was a pretty good day :) i'd say yesterday was too. i didn't sign on yesterday, so there was no way i could blog about it ! hahaha idk. anywho, it wasn't interesting. it just like wasn't a bad day or anything. hahahah idk. soooo, i got home at like 6ish nd i ate, nd i took out my bio hw around like 7, i kinda looked at it, then i was like OMGGGGGG I DON'T WANNA DO THIS nd i went to sleep. at like 7 ! whoa deeng ;) ahahahha so i woke up at like 10:30ish. lmaoo uh yeah, i did my hw until like 12, then i took a shower nd did more hw til like 2. then i went to sleep. muahahaha

so todaaaaay, hmm. idk, i just had fun. i was slightly hyper today. i don't remember the last time i was superhyper. i miss those days. i'm so like, mellow nowadays. HAHA NOT REALLY ! but compared to how i CAN be, or how i've been in the past, haha yeah i guess you could describe it as mellow. but today i was kinda baack 8] muahaha

so uh, idk what else to talk about :)

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

hi :)

i should be sleeping. ugh
i've been so freaking tired these days..nd it's all cuhs of my stupid procrastination and horrible time management. i've still got a bit of history to do, cuhs i messed up on last night's hw nd i gotta fix it cuhs i'm just a nerd like that. so that's just yelling out to my face HA YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO TO SLEEP YET ! nd yet here i am, wasting even MORE time, blogging. is this gonna be my next addiction ? who knows. i wish homework would just go away. then i could blog all i want without having to worry about when i'm going to sleep. i needa stop signing on to aim too -_- ayeeee

so anyways, about my day.
yeah, who cares right ? too bad. you're gonna read this if you feel like it, nd you're not gonna read it if you don't feel like it. well i'm writing it cuhs i feel like it. so my dad's telling me to go to sleep nd really, it's pissing me off. ugh. sometimes i really just wanna run away from the world, nd spend a period of time just to myself. maybe strengthen my faith cuhs it's getting nowhere. nd yeah, he's telling me to go to sleep some more. WELL YA KNOW WHAT, I WANT TO OKAY ?! JUST GO AWAY. -_- ugh. yeah, this isn't really telling you about my day, but too bad. i don't even freaking care anymore.


i'm sorry for this horrible blog entry. i guess i'm just in a bad mood.
well, time for stupid history.

peace outt
. lyd ! <3

how was your day ?

omg thanks for asking ! it was alright, i guess. just a normal day. we had a shortened day today. but hm, i still got home at like 4..hahaha. so i watched jack, richmond, kevin, nd kevin play pool haha. we had some food from dbay nd the 99.99 cent store lmaoo. then mariel came ! yaaay ;) hahahaha marcelo. that was pretty funny. it makes me sad how jack doesn't like mr. penguin :[ penguins aren't all that bad you know ! nd aaaahh turns out we left david all alone at school :[ i felt really bad ! then he took me home cuhs jack was gonna go to his house cuhs he wanted to go home nd blahblah, it's all kinda complicated. but i wonder if they ever found their way out, OR i wonder how long it took hahahah. well HEY JACK ND KEVIN [even though you guys totally don't read this] one day, one day, you'll see me when i'm NOT so quiet ! haha idk, i'm bored. i should start writing my poems now. stupid poems. i don't wanna write em -_- i'm not in the mood ! well too bad, says the teacher. aiyaah

peace out !
. lyd ! <3

yesterday !

haha yeah, i didn't sign on ! :o
well i had a fun day yesterday :) went to jen's house. sang, danced, my first time having jamba juice ! haha yeah, it's goood.
nd yesterday was just one of those saturday nights when my computer isn't on, so i'm not on aim, so i have no clue what to do. haha instead of doing something productive like homework or cleaning my room, i ALWAYS end up deciding to call up mariel. yeeeep, i love having those talks every once in a while ;)
nd yeah, today was just church. then we dropped my brother off at richmond's house, nd my mom nd i went to stater bros & pinkberry ! lmao. yeah, that's my day in about two sentences ;)
well since i didn't do my homework last night, i should go do it now.

peace outt !
. lyd ! <3

p.s. mad by neyo ? omg ;)