hey

i was gonna im you, but you're away, as usual.

i wanna start out by saying, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for a lot of things, aren't i ? kevin used to say that to me a lot. okay just ignore that last sentence.

i've been going through many changes. not only in my life, but in my head as well. you're right, i'm more caring in person than i am on aim. i mean, i never realized that until i read it just right now, but once i thought about it, i realize that it's true.

choosing money or a movie over memories. that didn't cross my mind at all. but thing is, i wanted to hang out with just you nd dab for once. after all these past months with the seniors, or with kanow & jess, or just whoever ; all this time with my extremely busy schedule. i know i'm being really insensitive, nd i'm sorry about that. but i keep using my money, buying things i don't need, nd i'm slowly becoming broke. i'm just tryna have some self-control with it. i don't wanna watch more than one movie this week, nd i really wanna watch 17 again. i really wanted to watch it with you, but i guess our schedules just aren't mixin' well, along with the date the movie comes out.

i did wanna hang out with you, bein' a "third wheel" isn't what i was thinking, i just wanna leave you two to yourselves. but that's just a minor thing. i'm not really down for the mall twice in a week, let alone just bein' with a couple. nd on top of everything, i've got lots of work to do, nd lots of places to go.

i'm really sorry, i am. i guess i'm not exactly justifying myself. you can be mad at me, you can hate me, i'd understand. i'm just goin' through this period of time that i'm not quite understanding fully myself.

nd about the aim convo, the lack of smileys or short replies, has it been like that a lot recently ? i'm sorry if it has. but today, it's cuhs i wanted to go to the movies with you, but you couldn't, so i wasn't exactly in what i'd call a good mood. maybe you don't believe me when i say that's my reason, and if you don't, well i don't know what i can do. nd if i sound apathetic, once again, i'm sorry. i just don't really know exactly what to say.

i just wish i could forget about everything right now. this is just one more thing that makes me miss eighth grade, last year, whatever.

-lyd<3