this is for you, mar

i'm sorry, i really am. sometimes i feel things for a day, nd i just wanna blog it out. but i don't know if i can say the same about my blog the other day. i love you, i really do. always & forever, babe. i read your letter after my benchmark in second period, nd i cried. i know you'll always be here for me. i never once thought that phillip would replace me or anyone else in your life, cuhs you're just not like that. i guess last year, i was getting that feeling that you were spending less time with your girlfriends. but you've learned your lesson [haha] nd you're not like that anymore. i'm so jealous of you nd the younger chunger [<--HAHAHAH IDK] you guys are so freakin' cute. but you make him go away twice a week so you can spend time with me nd dab, nd i think that just shows you guys are still strong without spending every moment with each other.

so i guess back to us: dab said that what i blogged about was really sad, but honestly dab, it's the truth, it's how i feel, nd you wanna get that out. especially to your best friends. i know blogging about it wasn't the best way, but i really wanted you guys to know, nd i didn't think i could ever say that out loud, or at least not to you. sometimes i really just feel like my life's still falling apart, nd that it's never really ever completely come back together after what happened in september. but now things are different. for the longest time all my problems were boy problems, but not anymore. i finally feel like i don't really like anyone, nd from the way tawnya said it, either i'm not there yet or it's just different for me. she made it sound like it was such a good feeling, but for me, really it's not so great. i'm still confused. maybe it's cuhs i'm not at the point where i know for a fact, 100%, that I. DON'T. LIKE. ANYBODY. haha idk. so now, my life, my problems, it's not about the boys anymore. it's about the friends, the ones that really matter. like the best friend that i've had for three years, which i think is a record for me. is something wrong with me ? mariel, i don't wanna lose you, ever. nd i know you wouldn't leave me, but what if i'm the one at fault ? a lot of times i feel like i can't even trust myself to "always be there" for someone. but i know i can always count on you. you make it sound like it's all your fault, mariel, it's not. don't think you're not a good bestfriend, cuhs you are. you're the best friend i've ever had. who would write a letter to me that says "these gummi bears are stuck onto each other & it'll take some force to pry them apart...just like me & you" after reading a blog that i wrote saying stuff like, idk if you're my bestfriend anymore, if they didn't care about me as much as you did ? most people would just be like, oh..well i guess we're not meant to be bestfriends or something, or maybe at least it'd be a little awkward. but mariel, you're only the most amazing girl in the entire world nd i really don't know what i would do without you. if i never met you in algebra back in the sixth grade, i wouldn't be who i am today. every thing you've done for me, every word you've said to bring me up when i'm down. mar, every person in my life has made in difference, every friend that i've made has made me who i am today. but i don't think any one person has made as big of an impact as you. what girl could ask for a better best friend that vina mariel banzuela bautista ? the one who takes pictures with a birthday present when she's bored, the one who has a lucky shirt with ron weasley on it, the one who eats her pizza with two utencils [?], the one who's always happy, unless she got a bad grade on her math test, the VMBB who's in love with PJC, the one who gets overexcited over the littlest things, the one who's always there for someone when he or she needs her, the one who's never let lyd down ? mar, do you realize, it's been like, what, three years ? nd we've never been in a fight or argument or whatever. if you were my only friend, i'd say, "backstabber ? what is that..never heard of it" cuhs i woulda never had to experience it. you're great mariel, nd i'm truly sorry for anything i've ever done or said to hurt you. vina mariel banzuela bautista, i love you, always & forever <3

-lyd <3