is it just me

or am i losing my grip ?

i feel like these past couple of months, i've been drifting away from my closest friends. seems like on the outside, things are pretty much the same. but i just feel so distant from them sometimes, on the inside. idk why, i don't really notice a significant change in our lives or anything. i'm just so confused. i don't even know what's going on in my own head. the seniors, nd joan, angela, the whole group. i don't feel like one of them anymore. nd yes, i did used to feel that way. ever since the whole sadies sich, everything's changed over there. nd i'm sorry mariel, but i can't honestly tell who my best friend is anymore. don't worry, the problem isn't you, it's me. it's not that you're not my bestfriend. i just feel like when i think, "bestfriend" i don't know who it is anymore. the only one who really is my best friend, and always will be, is Jesus Christ. nd that's not gonna change. i don't even know what i'm trying to say. i guess i'm the problem. since i moved to rowland, i haven't had a best friend for more than a year, i think. until i met mariel. don't worry, i still love you. nd you've done nothing wrong. it's just all in my head, nd i'm just overthinking every little freaking thing. i have been for a while. idk what's going on, i just wish it would stop. the last time it was super-hard for me to be "long-term happy" was back in august/september when my longest relationship was over. at least this time i'm not depressed, at least this time i'm not crying. but still, it's killing me inside nd i just wish it would all just go away.